Ever Want To Go Back in Time and Slap Yourself?
"[My friend] and I are going to start a church"The words still haunt me to this day. It's amazing how much one thinks they know when they are 26 years old. Apparently 26 years is enough to know everything about everything. That wasn't even the dumbest thing I said that day either. Let me tell you a tale...
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The year is 2008 and I'm 26 years old, and as stated above, I know everything at this point because I've lived so long and am so smart. Hmm... I'll have to rewind a bit more.
The year is 2006 and I'm 24 years old. I don't feel very smart at all at this point, but I know one thing: my spiritual life is pretty nonexistent. I had just gotten married the year before and the lack of spirituality has been nagging at me for while. So, it was with great enthusiasm that I found a small group people to challenge my spiritual life - both doctrinally and practically. We started to meet outside of Sunday church services in each other's homes, at first once a week, then twice a week. We spent many hours talking about our lives and sharing our struggles with one another. It was an amazing time for me. For the first time ever I had a "sophisticated" spiritual influence. It challenged my thinking, challenged my beliefs - about God, myself, and the Church. As a group we became very close indeed. Closer than anything I've ever experienced.
But, as time grew on, something else happened. I'm not blaming anyone but myself for what I began to believe, but as we discussed how to live our lives as Christians, I began to think pretty highly of myself. I concluded that as a group we were living out our faith in a far superior way than other Christians, and I took it upon myself to become the "teacher" of other believers - my poor parents were my first victims. Armed with a real understanding of what it means to be a Christian, I thought it my duty to teach others.
So, the year is 2008 and I'm 26 years old. I have fully educated myself on what it means to be a real Christian, and also, for good measure, I understand all doctrine precisely: both what is false and what is good. Now we come to that fateful day when I read an article in a Christian magazine. The article was an interview with a Catholic priest who told a little bit of his story about why he became a priest, which included what he felt was a calling from God.
That was it. "A calling from God?" I thought. "To be a Catholic priest - completely ridiculous. Everybody knows Catholics aren't Christians, and therefore God would never call someone to be a Catholic priest. This guy must be deceived. Whoa! There's a lesson in this. I can tell this to others to make myself look spiritual!" Obviously not word-for-word what was going on in my head, but pretty close.
So, that evening my wife and I found ourselves spending time with my parents and I took my chance. I said "Before you go, I have a short exhortation". Ooh, that sounded good coming from my own mouth. I had such knowledge to share, wouldn't my parents be so grateful? I told them the details of the article, and then concluded "Now, obviously God didn't tell this guy to become a Catholic priest, and so he was deceived. That's a lesson for us. Every time we think we are hearing from God, we need to be absolutely certain because we can easily be deceived. Let that be a lesson for all of us."
My parents were wonderfully accommodating and respectful. They didn't say much, but they did give credence to the fact that I thought I was doing them a favour. Bless them for it.
Oh, but I wasn't done showing off yet. This was the perfect time to tell them of my awesome plans!
"[Insert friend's name here] and I are going to start a church." I didn't tell them why we had discussed starting a church, but the reason was "because we need to have a place to invite new believers that is better than the church we go to now, that is, filled with real Christians."
Again, my loving parents were kind, but I can only imagine what was going on in their heads.
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Our plans to "start" a new Church never took fruition, and I am so glad for that. I realize now that I was so arrogant, assuming I had something to teach everyone around me how to be a real Christian. I was militantly Protestant - I hated Catholic doctrine. I thought I knew the true history of the early church. I was even KJV-only for a time. Whatever you believed as a Christian, I could tell you why you were wrong.
Oh, Lord have mercy on me a sinner.
One of the ironic things back then was that I had heard about the "Emergent Church" movement and because of the opinions of the preachers I was listening to online, I vehemently opposed it. All the while not realizing that when it came down to it, the Emergent Church movement was a movement of people away from mainline churches to meeting in homes and doing church by themselves, which is exactly what we were doing back then. So, you can add hypocrisy to my list of sins.
I don't know why I wrote this blog. I guess I just wanted to remind myself how much of an idiot I was back in the day. Ugh. I hope everyone who I offended can forgive me.
Fast-forward 10 years. I'm Orthodox. If I knew back then what I was going to be today, I would have been afraid for my soul. Now I have to learn to treat everyone with respect and love. Now I have real examples of living out the Christian faith in the Saints of the Church. And now I even have the option of asking their intercession on my behalf, that God would forgive my arrogance. I feel absolutely blessed that the most important people in my life stuck by me through those arrogant years.
May the Lord bless you all,
Joey