God told me to...
Something happened that made me think, which made me remember, which in turn made me write. This time the memory came from 2000...
I was eighteen years old, working full-time at a certain fast-food chain. My dream was to go to University. I had always known I was going back to school - I was made for school. I loved everything about learning and getting good grades. I had taken a year off after high school to work full-time in order to save money for school, and what difficulty I had during that year! I longed to return to school. It was, you might say, my passion.
Several months before moving back home to go to school, I found myself talking to an older lady from our Church who I took to be very pious and devout. I found myself talking about going to school in the future, and without realizing it, I said "God is calling me to go to school."
Ah, the "God is calling me to..." justification. As if I needed God to tell me to go to school. No, I had that pretty much wrapped up all by myself. To be honest, I did not really believe that God was calling me to go to school, but in the context of my Evangelical world, one should definitely not do anything unless God called you to do it. So I had to think fast. My fear was that this woman would think that I was going against the will of God by doing what I wanted to do, rather than asking Him what I should do. To be fair, she probably didn't care at all, but that was what was drilled into me by the people at Church, and I needed some proof that God had called me to go to school. So, I reached into the "random thought" part of my brain and said,
"I didn't know whether or not I should go back to school, but the next thing I know my parents bought a house right beside the University. So, it was pretty obvious that's what God is wanting me to do."
(head banging against table as I write this) It was true only if you call a 10 minute walk followed by a 10 minute bus ride, right beside. And the leap of faith I took to connect the geographical proximity to the University as a sign from God was absurd to say the least. My logic was that God was making it easy for me to go to University, therefore I should go to University.
I said above that I didn't really believe this. And I didn't at first, but after it came out of my mouth I breathed an inward sigh of relief. Of course that's how God was telling me to go to school! And I began to truly believe that was what happened.
It sounds ridiculous as I relive this in my head, but it's not the last time I would do something like that. I believed that God was constantly putting decisions in front of us, with multiple choices each time but only one correct one. And if you chose the incorrect one you were in disobedience.
I began to realize that God doesn't really work this way only in 2012. We had been kicked out of Australia due to Visa issues, and the plan was while we were back in Canada to try and apply for permanent residency in Australia. The big problem was that I didn't want to go back. I wanted to stay in Canada. But I figured God was calling me to live in Australia, and so I tried my best to get permanent residency. Why did I think God was calling me? Because I didn't want to. It sounds weird, but I had lived a lot of years since my "God calling me to go to school" facade, and I had learned that God's will for my life might actually include suffering (gasp!), but I went so far the other way, that I was now determining the will of God by exactly the opposite of my will.
The day it dawned on me that God would take care of me whether I decided to live in Australia or Canada was one of the biggest epiphanies of my life. There wasn't just a single option. I wasn't being tested like Abraham of old. I was just making a choice. A normal, everyday choice.
Now I want to be careful here, because I really do believe that God calls people to do things. Of that I am sure. But I think what I find nauseating about how I use to view life, is how often God calls us to do something, and to what degree.
The Evangelical community is rife with people stating that God calls them to do all sorts of things. And not big, life-changing things, either, but simple and mundane things that other people seem to be able to do without God "calling them".
If we spend a few moments thinking about the times when God called folks in the Bible, their lives were forever altered. Thinking of Abraham, Moses, David, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, (insert every other prophet here), the Apostles, Paul, etc. Each one of them were definitely called by God to do something, and it changed their lives. The question becomes, can God call you to do something and have it not change your life? Does God ever call someone, for instance, to mow the lawn?
It sounds funny, but I've heard of people who speak like that. The idea is that they are so "in-tune" with the spirit of God, that God is constantly speaking to them - every decision they need to make - God is pushing them in a specific direction.
Again, I want to be careful. I am not saying this can't happen on some level, but there is a danger here. When it becomes so commonplace that God Almighty is telling you what to do, then is it really God? Really?
Countless times I've heard people say, "Well, I prayed about it and I think God is calling me to do (fill in the blank)" I've said that as well. I've had to make big decisions, and prayed about it, but what I find is that I pray about a decision, and end up doing what I want to do.
And that's the crux of the issue. You pray that God makes it clear what you should do, and then... what? Do you wait to hear His voice? Some assumptions have to now be made. Very rarely will people assume God will speak audibly to them, so what are the alternatives? Pretty much just gotta either go with your gut and assume God is manipulating your gut, or go with your desire and assume God is manipulating your desires, or go with the "door that is opening" and assume God is paving a way making the correct path the one of least resistance. I might be over-simplifying things, but in all these cases, the self-will is strong enough to come up with it's own gut-feelings or desires or emotions. I think what actually happens is we pray about it, and then end up just doing what we want, assuming God is manipulating our desires.
The problem is, how do you counteract that? We've become so individualized in our society that your relationship with God is your own business and what He tells you to do is of no concern to anyone else, and no one else can say anything against it. It becomes a trump card that you can pull out and say "God is telling me to go to school". And if you think that I should definitely not be going back to school, there's nothing you can say because then you are in direct opposition to the will of God, and that is a bad thing.
So, what's the solution? I'm very certain that I lack the maturity to actually know anything about what God wants me to do with any sort of consistency. How can I be certain I am in His will? Think of it this way: how are we connected to Christ? Growing up I lived my life with this picture in my mind:
where Christ is the big rectangle and we are all attached to him, individually. Our connection with Him is isolated from everybody else's connection. We are individually saved, and individually damned. If I am going to be in the will of God, I have to figure out what He's telling me individually, and do it. Everybody is on the same level, no one is closer to God than me, but no one is further away, either. We go to Church every Sunday and have fellowship with each other, but when it comes down to it, with this model, none of that actually matters. You can be an isolated Christian. And if you can be isolated, then you better make darn sure you are properly listening to God through some individual process, because our connection with each other is only through Christ.
Obviously that picture has now changed in my mind. I've come to discover what it actually means to be part of the Church. Not a Church, not an invisible Church that is circularly-defined as "the church is all those individuals who are part of the church", but the Church. The one, holy, catholic, and apostolic Church that was established by Christ Himself.
"Whoa! Careful what you say there! Are you saying that the Church is in some way a "safe-haven" for our salvation?". Yup. Rather than being defined as all those who are part of it (whatever that means), the church is actually a concrete institution that was established by Christ and has existed for these last 2000 years. For the first one thousand years, there were no denominations. There was a clear line between those who were part of the Church and those who were outside of the Church. It would have been ludicrous to pray to God and ask Him whether or not He was calling you to join the Church.
Then, in 1054, the split between the Roman West and the Greek East took place. One of the saddest events in all of Christian history. Sure, I'm biased on this next point, but history is on my side. The east continued in the tradition handed down to it, and continues to exist to this day. The west, with creation of a supreme Pope, began to slowly shift it's doctrines - no longer anchored by Apostolic tradition, the source of truth became the Pope, and as the doctrines morphed into something unrecognizable from the Apostolic traditions, the lay people decided they had had enough and protested. Thus the Protestant reformation was birthed, and chaos has ensued ever since in the West. The protestants were quick to eliminate Catholic errors, but so much time had passed, they had no way of differentiating what was good Tradition and what was bad. The early reformers held on to some basic, universal traditions (like the ever-virginity of Mary), but soon after everything was tossed out, and thus every man became his own Pope - his own dictator of the truth. Tradition has, ever since, been viewed with the utmost suspicion.
And now, here we are. I submit to you that it's still ludicrous to pray and ask God to tell you whether or not you should join the Church. Which church? There is only one. And being connected to the Church allows you to experience God in a unique way. Through the sacraments and under the authority of the local Bishop, one can experience the Christian life in the way that it has always meant to be experienced. Not on your own with no guidance whatsoever, but in a community, under the Bishop. In direct succession to the Apostles of Christ themselves. As St Ignatius wrote in the 2nd century (~110 A.D):
I was eighteen years old, working full-time at a certain fast-food chain. My dream was to go to University. I had always known I was going back to school - I was made for school. I loved everything about learning and getting good grades. I had taken a year off after high school to work full-time in order to save money for school, and what difficulty I had during that year! I longed to return to school. It was, you might say, my passion.
Several months before moving back home to go to school, I found myself talking to an older lady from our Church who I took to be very pious and devout. I found myself talking about going to school in the future, and without realizing it, I said "God is calling me to go to school."
Ah, the "God is calling me to..." justification. As if I needed God to tell me to go to school. No, I had that pretty much wrapped up all by myself. To be honest, I did not really believe that God was calling me to go to school, but in the context of my Evangelical world, one should definitely not do anything unless God called you to do it. So I had to think fast. My fear was that this woman would think that I was going against the will of God by doing what I wanted to do, rather than asking Him what I should do. To be fair, she probably didn't care at all, but that was what was drilled into me by the people at Church, and I needed some proof that God had called me to go to school. So, I reached into the "random thought" part of my brain and said,
"I didn't know whether or not I should go back to school, but the next thing I know my parents bought a house right beside the University. So, it was pretty obvious that's what God is wanting me to do."
(head banging against table as I write this) It was true only if you call a 10 minute walk followed by a 10 minute bus ride, right beside. And the leap of faith I took to connect the geographical proximity to the University as a sign from God was absurd to say the least. My logic was that God was making it easy for me to go to University, therefore I should go to University.
I said above that I didn't really believe this. And I didn't at first, but after it came out of my mouth I breathed an inward sigh of relief. Of course that's how God was telling me to go to school! And I began to truly believe that was what happened.
It sounds ridiculous as I relive this in my head, but it's not the last time I would do something like that. I believed that God was constantly putting decisions in front of us, with multiple choices each time but only one correct one. And if you chose the incorrect one you were in disobedience.
I began to realize that God doesn't really work this way only in 2012. We had been kicked out of Australia due to Visa issues, and the plan was while we were back in Canada to try and apply for permanent residency in Australia. The big problem was that I didn't want to go back. I wanted to stay in Canada. But I figured God was calling me to live in Australia, and so I tried my best to get permanent residency. Why did I think God was calling me? Because I didn't want to. It sounds weird, but I had lived a lot of years since my "God calling me to go to school" facade, and I had learned that God's will for my life might actually include suffering (gasp!), but I went so far the other way, that I was now determining the will of God by exactly the opposite of my will.
The day it dawned on me that God would take care of me whether I decided to live in Australia or Canada was one of the biggest epiphanies of my life. There wasn't just a single option. I wasn't being tested like Abraham of old. I was just making a choice. A normal, everyday choice.
Now I want to be careful here, because I really do believe that God calls people to do things. Of that I am sure. But I think what I find nauseating about how I use to view life, is how often God calls us to do something, and to what degree.
The Evangelical community is rife with people stating that God calls them to do all sorts of things. And not big, life-changing things, either, but simple and mundane things that other people seem to be able to do without God "calling them".
If we spend a few moments thinking about the times when God called folks in the Bible, their lives were forever altered. Thinking of Abraham, Moses, David, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, (insert every other prophet here), the Apostles, Paul, etc. Each one of them were definitely called by God to do something, and it changed their lives. The question becomes, can God call you to do something and have it not change your life? Does God ever call someone, for instance, to mow the lawn?
It sounds funny, but I've heard of people who speak like that. The idea is that they are so "in-tune" with the spirit of God, that God is constantly speaking to them - every decision they need to make - God is pushing them in a specific direction.
Again, I want to be careful. I am not saying this can't happen on some level, but there is a danger here. When it becomes so commonplace that God Almighty is telling you what to do, then is it really God? Really?
Countless times I've heard people say, "Well, I prayed about it and I think God is calling me to do (fill in the blank)" I've said that as well. I've had to make big decisions, and prayed about it, but what I find is that I pray about a decision, and end up doing what I want to do.
And that's the crux of the issue. You pray that God makes it clear what you should do, and then... what? Do you wait to hear His voice? Some assumptions have to now be made. Very rarely will people assume God will speak audibly to them, so what are the alternatives? Pretty much just gotta either go with your gut and assume God is manipulating your gut, or go with your desire and assume God is manipulating your desires, or go with the "door that is opening" and assume God is paving a way making the correct path the one of least resistance. I might be over-simplifying things, but in all these cases, the self-will is strong enough to come up with it's own gut-feelings or desires or emotions. I think what actually happens is we pray about it, and then end up just doing what we want, assuming God is manipulating our desires.
The problem is, how do you counteract that? We've become so individualized in our society that your relationship with God is your own business and what He tells you to do is of no concern to anyone else, and no one else can say anything against it. It becomes a trump card that you can pull out and say "God is telling me to go to school". And if you think that I should definitely not be going back to school, there's nothing you can say because then you are in direct opposition to the will of God, and that is a bad thing.
So, what's the solution? I'm very certain that I lack the maturity to actually know anything about what God wants me to do with any sort of consistency. How can I be certain I am in His will? Think of it this way: how are we connected to Christ? Growing up I lived my life with this picture in my mind:
where Christ is the big rectangle and we are all attached to him, individually. Our connection with Him is isolated from everybody else's connection. We are individually saved, and individually damned. If I am going to be in the will of God, I have to figure out what He's telling me individually, and do it. Everybody is on the same level, no one is closer to God than me, but no one is further away, either. We go to Church every Sunday and have fellowship with each other, but when it comes down to it, with this model, none of that actually matters. You can be an isolated Christian. And if you can be isolated, then you better make darn sure you are properly listening to God through some individual process, because our connection with each other is only through Christ.
Obviously that picture has now changed in my mind. I've come to discover what it actually means to be part of the Church. Not a Church, not an invisible Church that is circularly-defined as "the church is all those individuals who are part of the church", but the Church. The one, holy, catholic, and apostolic Church that was established by Christ Himself.
"Whoa! Careful what you say there! Are you saying that the Church is in some way a "safe-haven" for our salvation?". Yup. Rather than being defined as all those who are part of it (whatever that means), the church is actually a concrete institution that was established by Christ and has existed for these last 2000 years. For the first one thousand years, there were no denominations. There was a clear line between those who were part of the Church and those who were outside of the Church. It would have been ludicrous to pray to God and ask Him whether or not He was calling you to join the Church.
Then, in 1054, the split between the Roman West and the Greek East took place. One of the saddest events in all of Christian history. Sure, I'm biased on this next point, but history is on my side. The east continued in the tradition handed down to it, and continues to exist to this day. The west, with creation of a supreme Pope, began to slowly shift it's doctrines - no longer anchored by Apostolic tradition, the source of truth became the Pope, and as the doctrines morphed into something unrecognizable from the Apostolic traditions, the lay people decided they had had enough and protested. Thus the Protestant reformation was birthed, and chaos has ensued ever since in the West. The protestants were quick to eliminate Catholic errors, but so much time had passed, they had no way of differentiating what was good Tradition and what was bad. The early reformers held on to some basic, universal traditions (like the ever-virginity of Mary), but soon after everything was tossed out, and thus every man became his own Pope - his own dictator of the truth. Tradition has, ever since, been viewed with the utmost suspicion.
And now, here we are. I submit to you that it's still ludicrous to pray and ask God to tell you whether or not you should join the Church. Which church? There is only one. And being connected to the Church allows you to experience God in a unique way. Through the sacraments and under the authority of the local Bishop, one can experience the Christian life in the way that it has always meant to be experienced. Not on your own with no guidance whatsoever, but in a community, under the Bishop. In direct succession to the Apostles of Christ themselves. As St Ignatius wrote in the 2nd century (~110 A.D):
See that you all follow the bishop, even as Jesus Christ does the Father, and the presbytery as you would the apostles; and reverence the deacons, as being the institution of God. Let no man do anything connected with the Church without the bishop. Let that be deemed a proper Eucharist, which is [administered] either by the bishop, or by one to whom he has entrusted it. Wherever the bishop shall appear, there let the multitude [of the people] also be; even as, wherever Jesus Christ is, there is the Catholic Church. It is not lawful without the bishop either to baptize or to celebrate a love-feast; but whatsoever he shall approve of, that is also pleasing to God, so that everything that is done may be secure and valid.
The Epistle of Ignatius to the Smyrnaeans, Chapter 8
Writing in the early second century, probably less than 20 years removed from the writing of the Revelation of St. John, the instruction is clear. But in order to take to heart this instruction, one first has to have a Bishop. A Christian without a Bishop is treading dangerous waters.
You might say "This is too harsh! God is present where I am. I feel Him. I am safe and secure in Him where I am right now. I have no need to make any changes. I do not feel God calling me to join the Orthodox Church". Well, ok. Have you asked Him, though? I'm not saying you're damned if you don't join the Orthodox Church, but I find it incredibly curious why God would have an opinion about whether or not you should change jobs or go to school, but not have an opinion about whether or not you should belong to His Church.
As the seasons change, so does Protestantism. As the seasons change so does Catholicism. As the seasons change, so do people. As the season change, so do you. Don't treat yourself as your own anchor. You are liable to be "tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine". If that doesn't describe the Protestant chaos, I'm not sure what does. There is a solution. There is rest. There is a Church that doesn't change it's doctrines every 5 years, succumbing to the pressures of society. Maybe you should get down on your knees and ask God with humility whether or not you should join the Orthodox Church. You might be surprised.