My Cross
This past week we celebrated one of the twelve major feasts of the Orthodox Church, the elevation of the cross, and as I sit here pondering what it means, I can’t help but connect it to my recent
pilgrimage to California to venerate the relics of Sts Joachim and Anna. The cross represents victory over death that Christ made possible, but it also represents suffering, as Christ suffered upon the cross, so are we asked to pick up our crosses and follow him. It is within that suffering where we meet Christ, and ultimately one day, our sufferings will cease. But that day is not today…
Everyone has a cross to bear, and that looks unique to the individual. If I can be so bold to put myself out there and talk about my cross, perhaps I can begin to explain why my wife and I decided to drive three thousand kilometers to go to a church, and perhaps it will inspire you to do your own seeking. Whether that be your own pilgrimage or simply a pilgrimage of the mind, that is, dwelling upon the cross that Christ has asked you to carry. Either way, the idea is that we might become comfortable in our sufferings, for that is the nature of this life. Christ promised us nothing in this life but trouble and the strength to overcome it. Let us overcome it with His help. Lord have mercy.
When my wife and I got married in the summer of 2005, I had no idea what lay before me. I was an immature twenty-three year old, enamoured with my new wife and my new life. I wasn’t scared or nervous - just excited. Excited to begin my new life. Excited to see what awaited us in the future. I had no thoughts of what we do if difficulties came, or any idea how challenging they would be when they did.
It didn’t take very long to realize that something was wrong…
As a young man in my early twenties I had not really thought about starting a family. I really just wanted to get married and I figured life would unravel more or less like it unravelled for most every other married couple. We’d have a few months to be by ourselves and that would be followed eventually by children. After that life would take on a whole different set of rules, and while it’s not something I thought a lot about at the time, it’s something I assumed would happen.
Six months passed. Then a year. Then two years. It began to dawn on me that something was wrong, but I didn’t know what to say or do about it. I had a faith in God and I trusted Him to give us children in His own time, but I started to wonder how long He would keep us waiting. During this time other people were having children. God was blessing other families with more and more children. Having children just seemed so… easy for others. It wasn’t until nearly three years went by that my wife was diagnosed with a chronic health condition which offered an explanation for our difficulties. Nonetheless, we continued to pray and trust that God would grant us children one day.
Three years turned to four. Then five. Then ten. Then fourteen. As of this date we are fourteen years, 48 days married. And all of this has been by ourselves. And it’s not just the raising of our own children that we are losing out on, but as we get older and move into later chapters of our life, we will have to face the unfortunate reality of growing old without grandchildren. Every older person I talk to wants to talk about their grandchildren, it seems like the only thing they have left to talk about. Facing the reality of barreness throughout the rest of our lives pains me continually. Most days I am able to bear it, but there are times when it gets too much.
Most people don’t know what to say to us. They don’t understand. How could they? Have you looked into adoption? People ask this as if they have just solved our issue, while silently suggesting that God has left us barren so we might provide a home for a child without one. Believe me, we have tried. But most people’s knowledge of adoption is either from television or from decades ago when it was actually feasible. Today, in our province, there are hundreds of couples waiting to adopt children, and every year there are fewer children being given up for adoption. After several years we finally gave up after finding out we were on a waiting list of 90 couples when only 5 adoptions had gone through for the entire previous year. It’s too much. It’s too invasive. Having to keep up with yearly interviews by social workers over why we would be good parents, and questioning our ideas about schooling and discipline. As if we were criminals asking to be let out of prison on good behaviour. Or, we could do an overseas adoption, but we don’t have $50,000 to spend on the process. Some have said to us that God can do anything with finances - He can make a way for this to happen. Of that I have no doubt, but it’s not exactly a simple matter to spend that much money - only to be on a 7-year waiting list. A waiting list that could be terminated at any time due to global politics. And of course this is to say nothing of the psychological strain.
And so we continue to wait. Wait on God. Wait on his timing. Ask for healing and continue to trust in Him. It’s hard going at it alone. My prayer is that no one would ever have to face what we are facing. If I could give one piece of advice to couples who are trying to accomplish things in life before having children, it would be this: don’t assume children will come - there really is no guarantee.
Perhaps you are not a Christian. Perhaps you are a Christian but your tradition has not preserved the story of Saints Joachim and Anna. It is their story that helps me to understand that all is not lost in our struggles. Joachim and Anna lived in the first century BC. They were pious Jews who loved the Lord and followed Him in every way. They were wealthy and gave many alms. They prayed in the temple and lived above reproach. But, people looked at them with suspicion because in the midst of all this, they were barren. Children were seen as a sign of blessing from God, and if you had none, popular opinion suggested you had done something wicked and brought upon yourself a curse. The trouble was, Joachim and Anna knew that they had done no such wicked thing, and so continued to ask God to grant them children as they continued to live pious lives of faith.
For them, one year, turned to two. Then five. Then ten. Then twenty. Finally, after fifty years of marriage, Joachim went out into the wilderness one day and fasted and prayed. It was only then, after five decades of barrenness, that an angel appeared before him and announced that his wife, Anna was pregnant. And thus, nine months later, Mary, the Theotokos (God-Bearer) as we Orthodox call her, was born.
To have such a similar story as ours embedded in the events leading up to the Incarnation of Christ Himself, gives us a reason to endure. It’s not an endurance based on the fulfillment of our own desires. It’s an endurance that is based on a hope that in the midst of severe hardships and seemingly decades of silence from God, that He is not deaf to our supplications.
This story of Saints Joachim and Anna may not hit you as intensely or as deeply as it does us, but I hope you can at least understand how precious this is to us. When the world around us sympathizes with us, but cannot understand or appreciate how difficult it is, we can find comfort in the fact that we are not alone, that others have faced this difficult journey and prevailed. And so when we were presented with the opportunity to visit a church dedicated to St Anna and the opportunity to venerate the relics of both Saints, we jumped at the chance. Perhaps I will tell the tale in more detail at some point.
Everyone has a cross to bear. We all have our struggles. Thank-you for taking the time to let me tell you about ours.
May the Lord bless you,
Joey
Everyone has a cross to bear, and that looks unique to the individual. If I can be so bold to put myself out there and talk about my cross, perhaps I can begin to explain why my wife and I decided to drive three thousand kilometers to go to a church, and perhaps it will inspire you to do your own seeking. Whether that be your own pilgrimage or simply a pilgrimage of the mind, that is, dwelling upon the cross that Christ has asked you to carry. Either way, the idea is that we might become comfortable in our sufferings, for that is the nature of this life. Christ promised us nothing in this life but trouble and the strength to overcome it. Let us overcome it with His help. Lord have mercy.
When my wife and I got married in the summer of 2005, I had no idea what lay before me. I was an immature twenty-three year old, enamoured with my new wife and my new life. I wasn’t scared or nervous - just excited. Excited to begin my new life. Excited to see what awaited us in the future. I had no thoughts of what we do if difficulties came, or any idea how challenging they would be when they did.
It didn’t take very long to realize that something was wrong…
As a young man in my early twenties I had not really thought about starting a family. I really just wanted to get married and I figured life would unravel more or less like it unravelled for most every other married couple. We’d have a few months to be by ourselves and that would be followed eventually by children. After that life would take on a whole different set of rules, and while it’s not something I thought a lot about at the time, it’s something I assumed would happen.
Six months passed. Then a year. Then two years. It began to dawn on me that something was wrong, but I didn’t know what to say or do about it. I had a faith in God and I trusted Him to give us children in His own time, but I started to wonder how long He would keep us waiting. During this time other people were having children. God was blessing other families with more and more children. Having children just seemed so… easy for others. It wasn’t until nearly three years went by that my wife was diagnosed with a chronic health condition which offered an explanation for our difficulties. Nonetheless, we continued to pray and trust that God would grant us children one day.
Three years turned to four. Then five. Then ten. Then fourteen. As of this date we are fourteen years, 48 days married. And all of this has been by ourselves. And it’s not just the raising of our own children that we are losing out on, but as we get older and move into later chapters of our life, we will have to face the unfortunate reality of growing old without grandchildren. Every older person I talk to wants to talk about their grandchildren, it seems like the only thing they have left to talk about. Facing the reality of barreness throughout the rest of our lives pains me continually. Most days I am able to bear it, but there are times when it gets too much.
Most people don’t know what to say to us. They don’t understand. How could they? Have you looked into adoption? People ask this as if they have just solved our issue, while silently suggesting that God has left us barren so we might provide a home for a child without one. Believe me, we have tried. But most people’s knowledge of adoption is either from television or from decades ago when it was actually feasible. Today, in our province, there are hundreds of couples waiting to adopt children, and every year there are fewer children being given up for adoption. After several years we finally gave up after finding out we were on a waiting list of 90 couples when only 5 adoptions had gone through for the entire previous year. It’s too much. It’s too invasive. Having to keep up with yearly interviews by social workers over why we would be good parents, and questioning our ideas about schooling and discipline. As if we were criminals asking to be let out of prison on good behaviour. Or, we could do an overseas adoption, but we don’t have $50,000 to spend on the process. Some have said to us that God can do anything with finances - He can make a way for this to happen. Of that I have no doubt, but it’s not exactly a simple matter to spend that much money - only to be on a 7-year waiting list. A waiting list that could be terminated at any time due to global politics. And of course this is to say nothing of the psychological strain.
And so we continue to wait. Wait on God. Wait on his timing. Ask for healing and continue to trust in Him. It’s hard going at it alone. My prayer is that no one would ever have to face what we are facing. If I could give one piece of advice to couples who are trying to accomplish things in life before having children, it would be this: don’t assume children will come - there really is no guarantee.
Perhaps you are not a Christian. Perhaps you are a Christian but your tradition has not preserved the story of Saints Joachim and Anna. It is their story that helps me to understand that all is not lost in our struggles. Joachim and Anna lived in the first century BC. They were pious Jews who loved the Lord and followed Him in every way. They were wealthy and gave many alms. They prayed in the temple and lived above reproach. But, people looked at them with suspicion because in the midst of all this, they were barren. Children were seen as a sign of blessing from God, and if you had none, popular opinion suggested you had done something wicked and brought upon yourself a curse. The trouble was, Joachim and Anna knew that they had done no such wicked thing, and so continued to ask God to grant them children as they continued to live pious lives of faith.
For them, one year, turned to two. Then five. Then ten. Then twenty. Finally, after fifty years of marriage, Joachim went out into the wilderness one day and fasted and prayed. It was only then, after five decades of barrenness, that an angel appeared before him and announced that his wife, Anna was pregnant. And thus, nine months later, Mary, the Theotokos (God-Bearer) as we Orthodox call her, was born.
To have such a similar story as ours embedded in the events leading up to the Incarnation of Christ Himself, gives us a reason to endure. It’s not an endurance based on the fulfillment of our own desires. It’s an endurance that is based on a hope that in the midst of severe hardships and seemingly decades of silence from God, that He is not deaf to our supplications.This story of Saints Joachim and Anna may not hit you as intensely or as deeply as it does us, but I hope you can at least understand how precious this is to us. When the world around us sympathizes with us, but cannot understand or appreciate how difficult it is, we can find comfort in the fact that we are not alone, that others have faced this difficult journey and prevailed. And so when we were presented with the opportunity to visit a church dedicated to St Anna and the opportunity to venerate the relics of both Saints, we jumped at the chance. Perhaps I will tell the tale in more detail at some point.
Everyone has a cross to bear. We all have our struggles. Thank-you for taking the time to let me tell you about ours.
May the Lord bless you,
Joey